Cranky cranky cranky

I am sick. Nose running like a faucet, coughing like I've been smoking three packs of the Devil's cigarettes, and a headache to boot. When I called the doctor to make an appointment, she said, "My goodness, it sounds like you've got a whistle caught in your throat." But she couldn't get me in until today.

Yesterday C stayed home with me since I was sick. Last night, I couldn't sleep due to a combination of coughing and non-drowsy drugs. I got an hour and a half at one point, broken when A needed to eat.

These are the days when I don't feel like a mom but a teenage vagrant who mysteriously has a baby. I don't want to be the typical fabulous selfless mom who slaps on some lipstick and goes about her daily routine cheerily. I want to climb back into bed with a cat or two and give the baby to anyone willing to keep him quiet for a couple hours. This is, in short, a bad mom day.

Also on an extended note, Master A's started banging his head when he's tired, against my collarbone or C's shoulder. This is a possible sign of autism and has me slightly worried. Thankfully, we have our nine month visit tomorrow and the doctor can reassure me. All the Googling in the universe tells me that it's not uncommon for babies, particularly boys, to develop head banging behaviors in the second half of the first year for self-soothing. God knows this week we've had sleep adjustments up the wazoo with nine hours of time zones.

But still, I'll feel better when I've talked to our pediatrician about it. Growing up with my sister, we had the mantra of "early detection, early intervention," drummed into our brains about any kind of disorder or disability. So if he's got something, I want to know sooner rather than later. This is when I need to go to the grocery store to reassure myself that he's still a sociable little being. Every time we go to the store, people stop me to tell me what a smiley baby I have. "He still seems engaged with people, right?" I ask C, who looks at me like I have three heads. Yes, he says. Look at him smile at you. Look at him laugh. He's okay.