The Name Game

I just got edition 2 of my favorite baby name book in the mail, and let me tell you, the naming this time is a puzzler. We've got to come up with male and female names, and we've got to come up usually with more than one so we can dither up until B-day about whether we like this one or that one and whether the baby looks more like name A or name B.

I'm mostly using the royal We here, because while C holds the veto power, the name finding committee is mostly me until the later months. Besides, he usually suggests "Rocket" at first chance, which gets him kicked off the naming committee.

Anyway, here's the complex mix of rules we're grappling with:
- No two-syllable names ending in "er" due to duo-syllablic -er ending of child's last name. This seems like a minor thing until you look at how many cool -er names are out there, including my sentimental favorite of Cooper, which we will have to name a cat someday since the cats get my last name. (True. Jake and Niles have my last name.)
- No "oo" (as in Cooper) sounds in the first syllable of the first name, to eliminate assonance issues.
- No H first names. I will not have alliterative first and last names.
- No first names ending in a phonetically soft A or H sounds, so no Anna. This is because I can't stand when people's names all blend together. Names should be crisp and distinct so you know, when you hear them spoken, where the first name ends and the last name begins. (There's a discussion on whether or not the first name needs to not end in S so it doesn't blend into the child's middle name, but honestly, the only times you hear your full name is when you're in trouble or graduating, so it's moot.)
- No names that can be easily given an -ie or -y nickname. Nope. I might entertain a -y ending on the full name, but those names I've liked have been few and far between.
- The name should be somewhat compatible with the ethnography of the last name, which is a pretty common American name, an Anglicized German surname. So English names get first dibs.
- The child's name must lend itself to whatever permutations of nicknaming and reforging of identity they'll go through in their tweens and teens; however, it should not be a nickname.
- No made-up names. Uh-huh. We don't do that.
- No bizarro spellings, like Khryctoffyphr. I know that's the trend, but no.

- Full names must pass the oration test, which is: say the full name aloud. If it sounds like it fits after, "Introducing the President of the United States," and "Doctor." If it doesn't, this is not the name. [I'm not saying I would wish the presidency or doctorates on my children, but I wouldn't want them to be limited by their names and I can't think of anything higher office than a president or a doctor. And before you scoff, C and I know two children--not related--who are going to be limited for the rest of their lives by the terribly hick and backwater names their parents gave them. I wouldn't dream of publishing them here, because they are sweet dear people, but those poor kids are going to have a hard time if they don't get some decent nicknames.]

Sidenote: If the name sounds perfectly fine after, "Now entering the courtroom, convicted serial killer..." this is really not the right name.

- And the gotcha one: the name must not be popular. If it is, it needs to be rising in popularity, not falling in it.

Nobody talks about how after you name your first child, the name of the first sets the tone for the name of the second. Our first child's name is not Bob or John or anything normal like that. Heavens, no. This child will never find his name on a mug or a license plate or a key chain. (Those of you who have sent personalized things are greatly appreciated.) Still, it's a great name.

So the added constraints of A's name to the name game:
- No names starting with T. Why not? Well, in shorthand, we'll have T&A. I could get over it and say A&T but I won't.
- The name has to be somewhat compatible with A's. This is a subjective rule, but it's like pornography: we know it when we see it.
- The name cannot rhyme with A's, which seems like a silly thing to note, but it's kicked a couple names out of consideration.

Any suggestions? At this point, it seems more like a logic puzzle than a joyous naming extravaganza.