Picking schools

I know; I haven't posted about my baby's first birthday (which was fabulous) or Christmas (equally fabulous) or New Year's (mellow but still...) or any of that. Little baby L stood alone today for the longest I've seen him do it; he only seems to do it with holding one toy in both hands. No toy, a toy in one hand, two different toys in two different hands, no standing. He's an odd duck. And he's standing!

But this isn't even about that. Mr. A is four, and he'll be kindergarten-ready next year. This means we have to pick a school. When I was a kid, there was a school in town and I went to it. There was one elementary school, one middle school, one high school. Simple and done. Even friends of mine who lived in larger places, the story is pretty much the same: there was a school and you went to it.

But times have changed and you don't just go to the school anymore. We are here in shiny San Diego, and San Diego has a bewildering array of choices for the public school attendee: magnets, voluntary exchange, charter, home (your home school as opposed to homeschooled). We do have a home school, which I can see by looking over my shoulder right now, but it is not a great school, so we're going elsewhere. We have to get our applications in by February, and it's frankly bewildering.

Do you want a school that focuses on international cooperation or one that will have him fluent in Mandarin Chinese by the time he leaves sixth grade? How about Spanish? French? German? Do you want him to start piano and violin lessons in kindergarten or one that focuses on math and science? I.B. or cooperative learning models? Do you want a charter, which acts as its own independent little kingdom, for better or worse, or a magnet, which has a clear focus but is not as independent as the charters, or a traditional school, whatever that means nowadays?

He's four. He seems to be a well-adjusted, sociable little soul who is bright and likes reading and playing. He is inquisitive and analytical, as much as a four-year-old can be. He's got a memory not to be believed.

And yet, we (C and I) don't know what track to put him on. Will it serve him better in the long run to be bilingual or a pianist? Should he go to a school with emphasis on all-around skills or one that emphasizes science and math (or English and writing, or collaboration and problem-solving, or music and the arts, or...)? Experiential, child-focused, traditional, KIPP-based teaching? And do we want him in a year-round school or one on the traditional school year?

I don't know how other people pick. There should be a manual, or a decision tree, at least. We're lucky because I'm pretty sure A will be successful where ever he goes, and I have enough sense to realize not every parent can say that. This terrible weight of responsibility that goes with parenting: am I squashing a brilliant musician by trying to send him to a science school? Or am I crippling him for the 21st century job market if he doesn't go to the science school or the Mandarin Chinese school? Of course, encompassing these discussions is the fact that whatever school A does to, L will probably go to also. Poor second children; you all get hosed by being second.

All of this is complicated by the competing lotteries, application processes, etc. This one has a lottery followed by an interview. This one is a lottery, with preference for geographic areas divided into three levels of preference. This one is a straight lottery, with 200 applications expected for 23 slots. Even if we found The Perfect School, there's no guarantee we'd get into it.

If C and I were of the same cloth, this would be easier. It's not that we're in disagreement about any of these issues; we're aligned in mutual confusion. It would be easier to say, "Well, we're both engineers, so science it is!" C and I have great knowledge bases and interests in highly divergent areas, so that gives no direction for the children to land.

Ultimately, the reassuring thought I keep coming back to is that A will surprise us, whatever he chooses to do. And whatever he gets his heart set on doing, he won't be undone by the well-meaning fumblings of his parents in picking out an elementary school. Making sure he's equipped for lemonade-making with whatever lemons he is handed is our job, but ultimately the lemonade-making will be A's job.