Hello, officer

A is fascinated with the phone. Fascinated. He'll get a hold of it and push buttons. He's only called one person, I think, and that was on my cell, which I don't let him play with any more. Our home phone is so freaking complicated to use that it hasn't been a problem. There's no intuitive way to dial our phone.

Yesterday he was playing with the home phone. I took it away from him and pushed the End button, and noticed it said, "Line on hold." (Recently we switched phone packages and got call waiting, which I despise.) I clicked over and there was a recording in Spanish. I hung up.

Then we get a call coming through. It shows up as "unknown name, unknown number." I let it ring through to voice mail, which is my standard mode for unknown calls. It's election season in California and we get a lot of unknown numbers calling in the evening now.

They actually leave a message, so I check voice mail:

"Hello, this is the San Diego Police. There was a 9-1-1 hang up call from this number, so we are returning the call. If you are there, pick up. Again, this is the San Diego Police. Please pick up. Since nobody has picked up, we will be dispatching officers to Our Address..."

Oh shit on a shingle. I Google the SD police department and call the non-emergency number. Hello, I am a horrible mother with a one-year-old who can actually dial 911 but we're all fine here, thanks. You don't need to send anyone. I should be leaving to pick up my husband from work soon. I'm not just saying that; we really are fine. It's just me and this one-year-old. We live at the end of nowhere and I'd like to save the officers the trip and minimize the mortification and embarrassment I'm already drowning in.

Then we waited forty-five minutes, which was as long as I could possibly stand to wait, before leaving to pick up C. And nobody had knocked down the door while we were gone, so everything's okay.

But the phones are moving out of reach.