I realize this should be an upbeat, peppy post because it's been so freaking long since I posted, but it's not going to be. This is a mommy angst post.
A is twenty months now, almost. And he's full-on into establishing his independence and testing boundaries and all of that. He runs everywhere and has ginormous amounts of energy from reserves I cannot access.
And I am tired, people. I am tired and worn and run-down and frustrated.
It feels like one step forward, three steps back. When he says "thank you" now, he often adds "you're welcome," which is so freaking cute and endearing. Sometimes he listens very well when I tell him that as we walk down the street, he needs to hold my hand or hold onto the stroller (wall, whatever). And he holds out his hand for me to hold as sweet as pie.
Then he runs into the street in front of a car, or hits another kid in the head with a toy, or tries to bite me when I remove him from the street or the fracas. Then I feel like a complete failure, like this boy of mine will be a terror or a brat or a demon due to my inability to apply the proper parenting techniques at the right time.
And I am so frustrated I could just scream and cry and have my own fit. Does A do this with C? Not really, but C's not with him as much as I am. But maybe C has the big boy voice that makes A obey him. Or maybe A's into daddy worship these days. Or C's a mountain compared to me who scares the crap out of A. I can't decipher this one in my current state.
I know this will pass. I know consistency is the name of this game. Some day A will learn and borrow the car and get Axe body spray. But right now, I feel very frustrated and sad and alone.
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5 comments:
That biting sh*t is just mean! Hang in there--the next couple of years are going to require the same kind of steely resolve that is necessary to wear axe body spray. Just inhale through your nose and out through your mouth a few times in order to stave off murdering him. You are up for the challenge. Alternatively, you can run away and come visit our Wayward Home for Mothers Who Have Had It! We have reasonable rates and will ply you with various foodstuffs and lovely cheese (a kind of food).
Lovely cheese, hmm? Yeah. I think I need a break. I can always tell when it's the end of the week--plus he seems to be giving up or modifying the time of his one reliable nap, which makes me just crazy. Crazy. Thanks for the support.
I'm so sorry! When I was that age, my parents left me with my (wonderful, btw) grandmother while they took my older brother off to hike a fourteener. I apparently threw myself, screaming, on the wood floor, and pounded my forehead against it repeatedly. My grandmother, who'd been blessed with two frighteningly sensible children was appalled, and recalls saying "Well! You dumb little thing." before walking off to another room (I followed shortly, sniffling). I tried the same thing on my mother in the grocery store. She walked away too, but I can imagine she turned beet red, like she does.
I won't go so far as to say that I turned out all right, but in the short term, by all accounts, I was pleasant much of the time while two, and all of the time after three, once I realized my parents were not going to cave on anything.
We have some aged gouda with your name on it. All we need is 24 hours advance notice (or less, if you don't mind serious squalor)!
This, too, shall pass. Jack has survived. Lexi is surviving, barely. My sanity is mostly what it always was. You will be fine. Keep saying that over and over until you believe it (or can say it with a straight face). In extreme cases, a flight to Atlanta may be in order. By the way, I'll be in San Diego in September for a conference. Maybe we can play catch up.
Yes, this too shall pass is the mantra to use. A's sick now, so I imagine this only added to frustration on both our parts last week.
But I love all the offers to bail and head to other towns with other places--although I love visitors too.
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