Bradley Class 9: but really I don't know what technically

Class last night was a roller coaster, up and then down. Way down. Stick your fingers in your ears down. I'm not kidding.

We started off by finishing the Class 7 vocabulary, which was fine. Actually, since we hadn't had class for two weeks, we started by commenting on how big everyone's bellies are getting. Someone even said to me, "Wow, that baby's really growing." I probably still have belly envy, but I'm at least pregnant-looking now.

Then we watched a movie by Suzanne Arms, the author of Immaculate Deception and now an activist for natural birth. Mistah C probably said it best: "They should show that movie at the first class." It was the most professionally produced film we've seen (after all folks, we are in California; production values matter). It intercut film of a natural birth with talking head pieces from doctors, doulas, midwives, and other birth advocate-types. It also presented (woefully outdated but still scary) statistics on birth in this country. While I'm sure it's considered vitriolic, it struck me as a good basic presentation of the reasons why you might want to reconsider trotting off to the hospital to give birth even though 93% of the other women in this country do it.

Then it was time for the relaxation technique, which is a technique I've actually encountered before as part of my wrist injury biofeedback therapy. You're basically supposed to imagine an object that changes colors through the spectrum of the rainbow (and let tension go, and just concentrate on the colors changing, yadda yadda). Well, it turned into brainstorming. "The first color is red, so, oh, I should have brought the red roses from my garden. What else is red? No, not fire trucks. Strawberries are good. Shiny red apples." There were other conversations going on that got woven into this, like email addresses and other weird stream of consciousness stuff. The instructor pretty much gave up on the technique at green, but I also don't think she understood it.

So the relaxation technique wasn't terribly relaxing but we were reclining in the dark with someone rubbing us. Jan started talking about the vocabulary from Class 8, which is on interventions and unforeseen problems (like C-sections and whatnot). As part of that, she started talking about miscarriages, stillbirths, and babies/young children dying. These terms are not actually in the vocabulary; talking about the categorization of a woman based on first pregnancy versus first child delivered (primapara versus primagravida) made her go into a discussion of miscarriages, the grieving process, and all the rest of it. This discussion was longer than the discussion on the actual vocabulary for Class 8.

I had a "What the hell?" moment. I'm pregnant and hypersensitive right now, so I know that I don't want to hear about death, particularly death of babies (in or out of the womb) or animals. I still can't get through the special "Oprah visits Auschwitz" episode on my TiVo; I really can't watch the blood and guts sections of House. I certainly am not watching any dead baby episodes of anything. I don't read news stories about horrible things happening to families or children and I never ever watch the TV news anyway but I would have given that crap up too, stupid news as consumer product. It's not the innate superstition of "If I hear it, it'll come true," but it's just upsetting to me right now and as such, I'm filtering out what I can. At some point during Jan's monologue, I thought about putting my fingers in my ears; Mistah C says yes, I did cover an ear with one hand.

I don't understand how that discussion was educational. It would have been enough to say, "If you've been through a miscarriage, an abortion, or something else that makes you grieve for that lost child, then that's a valid feeling and you should probably talk to someone about it. I've had a miscarriage and you're welcome to talk to me about it, plus I have books and films to recommend to you on the topic that might help." The whole extended discussion of people she's known or taught who have had kids that died or were stillborn was not necessary. I was put out.
I don't know what next week's class is; I think Class 9 was the extended dance mix of Labor Stage 1 techniques, but I don't think we got there yesterday. I've had a prenatal checkup but that will have to wait until I sort through what I'm doing today for work.